Because I'm black

I stand before you, prominently with MD after my name; because I'm black, you hesitate.

I walk in the street with a ball under my arm and sneakers; because I'm black, you think I'm an athlete.

It's late at night, your car is broken as I approach; because I'm black, you are afraid.

I'm on a bus and give up my seat; because I'm black, you think I had to.

I'm loud and happy; because I'm black, you think I'm high.

I sit in the park and your children aproach me; because I'm black, you call them back.

In many, many parts of the world, I'm seen as normal; because I'm black, I am accepted.

Mission accomplished

In the beginning there was silence. Almost in servility, small puffs of dust rose haphazardly into the still air just ahead of where I'm lying. Do not move a muscle-nor twitch-nor sweat from the exhausting heat.

Looks like thirty possibly forty - appear to be searching - looking - making no effort for silence or surprise. They seem to know that they have superiority. They have moved to both sides of the tree line. They have a purpose about them.

The mission target is among the group. He has formed with the left flank as they search the underbrush. Will have one shot. All I need. Carefully, slowly, move my left arm into position. Throat shot. About 300 yards and closing slowly, methodically, looking, searching.

Hold your breath, let it gather itself, eye to sight, let the air ever so slowly ease out as the target is acquired, firmly pull the trigger. Move quickly away. The report thunders loudly across the clearing and down towards the river. Confusion - my best friend. Move quicker as they look for where it came from. Stay off the path. Take advantage of the spooked animals. Random fire, they do not know yet. Almost to the river edge. Slip into the water and move with the river bank. Need to move 15 klicks to first rendezvous point. Must move quicker without giving my position away. They are searching angrily, firing at ghosts and goblins. Must have hit target.

"Charlie One" will wait 15 minutes on station before abandoning to next co-ordinates. Must chance moving out into the channel to pick up speed. Eyes only above the water. Take short breathes. Current moving faster. Three short bursts. Pretty close - not sure that they have found me or just firing wildly. Keep moving. Something has my leg. Can't see it. Slip my knife from the sheath and move carefully under the surface. Caught in an underwater tree limb. Lungs hurt - slice pant leg. Freed but must be careful as the surface is just above. Lungs burning, must have air. Feel light-headed. Stop just below the surface. See light, gently break the surface and rejoin the current. Carefully look at both shores. See no one. Hear no boat.

Round the bend the river broadens. Need to move back in close to the bank. Too exposed. Time to examine my leg. Nasty cut - need to move out of the water. River grass ahead - slip silently into it and crawl carefully farther into the grass. Be aware of snakes.

Clean wound - apply quick dressing and lace river grass over the bandage to avoid bleeding when moving. Leave no trails. Mission complete.

When I make love to you

When I make love to you, my heart races to catch my breath. I feel your fingers softly drawing circles upon my face. I hear your sigh gently in my ear. I sense you move from caressing to urgent to ecstasy.

You are both sensuous and sexual. Our love making begins early in the day. It is not lust in the sense of the immediacy of the moment but rather a day long romance woven with words and touching, laughing and singing, brushing by each other lightly but with promising intent, dancing to our favorite song, making dinner together, a glass of wine, soft lights, bubble baths and candles, soothing music, fresh linens, gentle touching, knowing exactally where your most sensitive spots are and taking time moving from one to the other. Eventually, urgent lust overwhelms all rationale thinking and a crescendo of joyous bliss enters every part of our bodies.

We fall gently into slumber, in each other's arms. Our dreams will be as one, our morning will be together as we begin life's wonderful dance again.

Senses

If the eyes are the mirror of the soul--
Why can't I see you?
Are my eyes so blind that I cannot accept what I see?

The beauty of my love for you needs not sight to bask in the warmth of the joy in my heart.
I need all of my senses to savor your presence in my life.
I close my eyes and hear the soft syllables that overwhelm my sense of feeling.
As you say my name, my heart rises up in anticipation of what is to follow.

Your touch, gentle yet strong, evokes memories of long walks together,
of sunrise on the beach and loving caresses under moonlight. It was never behind me but along side of me and many times slightly ahead, laughing, smiling, urging me to hurry forward.

With my eyes closed, I feel your presence from the exhilarating fragrance of my favorite perfume. You wear it because you understand how crazy it makes me. You wear it because you love me and I, in turn, so greatly love you. You smell fresh after a shower yet earthy in the morning when we cuddle. Many days it is hard to leave your bed.

You are an awesome woman and I am extraordinarily lucky to be a part of your life. You bring out the very best in me, now and what still lies ahead.

Words

The world is small
The walls are thin
Probably shouldn't have said what I said
If I had to do it all over again

Pain is real
Whether intended or unintended
Didn't ask to be judged
Didn't want to be seen

My values are mine
I respect they are not yours
Leave me in peace
Come around no more

People believe what they do not see
It takes but a moment to destroy me
Think long before you speak
Understand what you have done

Say not in private
What you would not say in public
For judgement is left to those around you

Words have no sword
Pain knows no depth
Think my friend
Before the impact dispatches me forever.

Outside

Ever wonder what it would be like to stand outside of your life and look back into it? Would you be happy with what you observe? Would your decisions be different if you could step away for a minute to examine the impact of what you are about to do?

There are moments in time when we are really happy with who we are and what we have accomplished. And that's a good thing! There are times when one additional word of encouragement from someone else would have made all the difference in the world to you and those around you. There are times when not saying something would have been the better choice.

And then there are the "silly" things---would I wear that color now knowing how ridiculous I looked. Would I have smiled just a little longer to create interest in that someone special? Would I have gone back to school to better educate myself in something I really loved? Would I have taken that special vacation before I got sick if I could have known about the impending illness?

How many friends would I have had if I had tried just a little harder? Is my spouse or significant other truly getting the "best" I can offer or do they end up being "last" because I can place them there without fear? Do I truly believe in a "higher being" or do I simply "mouth" the words and follow what ever is safe? What sacrifices have I really made?

Have I given my best or is my best yet to come? What truly is my value system? Do I live it or just talk about it? Have I spent any time recently spreading "joy" to others? Do I always expect something in return?

When you step back and outside it provides a new meaning to what you have become. The great part is that you have time to reconsider your thoughts, your actions and where now you should be heading. Every once in awhile, we should all step outside ourselves, take stock and renew all that is good and work on all that needs some adjusting. We, truly are the "captains" of our personal ship.

Dreams and Goals

In order to have a goal you must first have a dream. A goal is a measure of movement towards achievement. A goal defines a set of requirements to a plan through which your dreams come into fruition.

History records, through cave drawings, rice lettering's, verbal recitation of memories, and all other forms of communication the realization of someones dreams. Dreams can be grand or small. Dreams have no rules but those of the dreamer. Dreams are the catalysts for every major milestone of achievement. We venture into space and return because someone dared to dream it was possible. Explorers set a voyage because they believed.

Children dream of toys and candy and all things that make them happy. Teenagers dream of the perfect world, with their friends and that special someone and believe that there is no "bad" in front of them. Adults find solace in their dreams. It's a special place they don't have to share if they don't want to. It's a place where they can rearrange circumstance and rules to create their desired ending. Dreams are not pragmatic nor in many cases touch upon reality. But dreams are essential to move forward in their lives.

We teach our children, in very elementary ways, to create dreams. In order to teach them how to create or build or understand friendships they must learn to dream that this can happen. This provides the "teaching moment" that introduces planning, adjusting, sacrificing, saving, convincing and so many new and exciting "tools" in the "toolbox" for them. Dreams provide a safety net for our children to experiment without anyone getting hurt. It allows our children to experience happiness on many levels and teaches them how to deal with hurt, safely!

I can not think of a world that dreams would not enhance! Dreams and dreamers are to be cherished and nurtured. The next cure, the next great invention, the next sustained peace treaty, the next, the next, the next everything will come from dreams.